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Anyone else struggling to unlearn masking?
I’ve spent years trying to seem “normal” by copying tone, hiding stims, forcing eye contact and it’s exhausting!!
Lately I’ve been experimenting with just being myself more… but it’s scary. I don’t always know who that is outside of the mask.
How are you all navigating that balance between self-acceptance and safety?
Thank you guys for sharing your experiences!
In my experience, it’s a lot easier to first look at your surroundings/ environment you’re in. Do you feel you can be authentic? If not, lifestyle changes will be the biggest game changer in order to start safely unmasking. It’s a process that might take a year or two, but that’s how I started (still in process myself..) 🥲
I’m still learning (for 1 year). I started with 2 things :
1) Having a safe alone place. My place, where I can just be and let me be (out of sight). Here I just followed my body, it’s in charge, he knows the best.
2) Not trying to unmask. At the beginning I just observed. I did at work and in society as usual, except I noticed what was going on. It wasn’t relief BUT I was aware of what was costing me energy/effort/etc. Later, as I spent time with loved ones unmasking began naturally and I could enjoyed it without fear.
And yes, discovering who we are is a entire adventure. As Lisa said, I would advise to live this adventure only with safe and kind people, as possible. I’m changing a bit my lifestyle, too. There is people I don’t see anymore and there are others I spend more time with.
Maybe, one thing that helps me : I’m trying to welcome my true self as I would do with a new friend : with warmth, openness and patience. ❤
I agree with what has been said in the previous comments: one should unmask only in environments that we know are inclusive, or in environments where we have no stake in whatever others think – but be careful in environments where people may not be prepared to accept neurodiversity – or avoid those environments where possible. And if this is not possible in the short term – look for ways, e.g. career choices that will allow avoiding the bad environments most of the time.
As an example, for me having my own business allows me to avoid unwelcoming environments, at least part of the time.
And to your core question: how? I think in an inclusive environment it’s easy – just do it: like learning to swim, or to ride a bike.
Also, in my experience, what is mask and what is self can evolve. I started masking when I started working in my twenties, but when I was in my late fourties, I came to the conclusion that I no longer cared and I stopped masking, and it was a great relief, but I realized that part of the mask had become part of me.
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